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Gleekabel

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Never let go

1 min read
"Never let go, Jack. Never let go!" said the Oscar that Leo so badly deserves
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Shouldn't I feel better?
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I'm losing control
We have no sharp objects
I remember when I was whole
All I can think about is what the monster inside might do next

I can't tell if I just want attention or if I am depressed
I'm loosing control, I just want to scream
People assume that I'm just stressed
When will my nightmares turn back into dreams?

I sit here, blinded by the pain
I squint, trying to see through the haze
I've always been kept on a chain
But this isn't just a phase

I'm loosing my mind
I'm loosing control
My head is spinning, trying to unwind
I'm just another tainted soul

Everything is about beauty
I've never fit in
My wrists are scarred with their cruelty
I spend my days tearing open my skin

I remember when I was whole
The world is spinning, trying to unwind
I'm loosing control
I'm loosing my mind

I just want to scream
I just want to die
All that I do is dream
It's time to say good-bye

Please don't take this seriously I'm not going to kill myself
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I am under 18.
I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.

I am an only child.
I am currently in my "pajamas".
I am currently pregnant.
I am left handed.
l am right handed.
I am ambidextrous.
I am a little shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.

I enjoy folk music.
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" guy/girl.
I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.
I have bathed someone.
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have had major/minor surgery.

I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I like the taste of blood.

I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.

I own 100 CDs or more.
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.

I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

Finished college.
Smoked cigarettes.
Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.

Gone to a concert.
Helped someone.
Self Harmed
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night.
Been broken up with.

Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Skipped school.
Gotten in trouble for something you didn't do.

Stolen books from the library.
Been in a mental hospital.
Fired a gun.
Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Attempted suicide.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.

Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn't have.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.

Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
Had a hamster.
Dyed your hair.
Had something pierced.

Gotten straight A's.
Been handcuffed. (Okay, I was 7 and my best friend thought it would be funny to hand cuff me to toy box then loose the key)

My hair is naturally the color:
Light brown
Medium brown

Dark brown
Blonde
Black
Dirty blond
Strawberry blond
Multicolored
Red

My eyes are:
Brown
Dark Brown
Blue
Green

Hazel
Light brown
Gray

People sometimes label me as:
Slut
Boyish
Colorful
Ugly
Nerd

Other

Some of my biggest fears are:
Spiders/other
Slimy things
Dying
Doctor/Dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
Being alone in the dark
Heights
(Mostly on Ferris Wheels)
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Large animals
Small animals
Open spaces
Lightning
Tornadoes
Clustered holes
Bodily fluids
Corpses

I have:
A friend with benefits
A laptop in my room
A television in my room
Good grades

My own car
Parents who are still married
A dog
A cat
A game console
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Just blame it on me
Baby, Where have you been?
Just glide you fingers over the gun
You have won
Just pull the trigger
I watch as the world gets bigger
I hear the bang
Then the clang
I scream as your blood pools around my feet
I watch as the light in your eyes takes a quick retreat
I drop to my knees and scream
I hold back tears and dream
What have I made you do?
I take the gun in my hand
I hear the sirens getting closer, an unplanned band
The monster inside me takes over
All I need is a lucky clover
The monster and I take the gun
I hear the police outside
We have won
I pull the trigger
This can't be undone
I run towards the light calling your name
Nothing can put out my flame
I search for you and search for you
Are you searching too?
Everything goes dark
Bright colourful lights appear here and there then everywhere like a midnight amusement park
I run, and I don't stop
My worst fears are placed in front of me
I'm in hell, I'm not free
I run faster as all my mistakes chase after me
I trip and fall letting them surround me
I feel the tears come and this time I don't hold them back
I sit and take it as I'm under attack
I cry and cry until arms wrap around me and I'm free
I look around and there you are crying and smiling at the same time
You found me
You saved me
We lived together
Even through the bad weather
Then, we died together
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